Guy of Gisborne in his chamber
Sat alone and wrote a letter
Wrote a letter to his tailor
Wrote it on the finest parchment
In his best and neatest writing;

Tailor, make for me some trousers
Flattering and stylish trousers
Like no others seen in Sherwood
Make them tight and figure-hugging
Make them black and slightly scary
Make them snug and rather shiny
And, to make them extra kinky,
Tailor, make them out of leather.
Make them of the softest leather
So they do not chafe unduly
In uncomfortable places.
Make me too a matching jacket
With unnecessary buckles
Bits and straps and hanging laces
To suggest a hint of bondage,
And then, to complete the image,
Make for me a pair of gauntlets
With, for no apparent reason,
Many studs and shiny buckles.
If I am to be a villain
And to win the hearts of fangirls
I must have the right apparel
To accentuate my assets
And to woo my Marihaha,
Make her see what she is missing,
Hanging out with rustic yokels
With no style or sense of fashion.

Thus he wrote, and sealed his letter
Sent a minion with the message
And awaited with impatience
The arrival of the package
Of the package from his tailor.

Many weeks in vain he waited
(Should have ordered it on Ebay)
Till at last a servant brought it
Brought the package to his chamber
Hurriedly he tore the wrapping
And beheld his leather garments
Gasped aloud in admiration
Hastily he donned the trousers
And the jacket and the gauntlets
Sent a boy to fetch a mirror
So he could inspect his outfit
Every detail was perfection
Every buckle gleaming brightly
And the shiny leather trousers
Perfectly defined his figure
Now, he thought, will Marihaha
Be unable to resist me
And the fangirls in their thousands
Will adore my leather trousers
Tight and figure-hugging trousers
Black and slightly scary trousers.
With no further hesitation
Guy of Gisborne left his chamber
Searching for his Marihaha
To impress her with his trousers,
With his kinky leather trousers,
Walked out through the castle gateway
To the sound of creaking leather
Carefully and slightly stiffly
(He was wrong about the chafing)